


Maximus Gravitas Ursidae.  1-5/5.

by punky_96



Series: Follies Fics 2018 [2]
Category: The Devil Wears Prada (2006)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-08 17:57:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15248784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punky_96/pseuds/punky_96
Summary: New fic.AU drabbles that tell of the Priestly Twins pranking Emily, which turns into teasing from Andrea, which leads to revenge that Serena could help with.Dedicated to:  iimzadi





	Maximus Gravitas Ursidae.  1-5/5.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Iimzadi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iimzadi/gifts).



> Beta: I have to double check, but I'm pretty sure that both Peetsden and Pdt_bear took a look at these :) Then I tabled new fic until all the transfers were done and lost my mind a little bit.
> 
> Edit 8/8/18: finally made it back and updated the edits from Pdt.
> 
> Also: Creature near the end is a form of Werewolf or 'Dogman' from Brazil. I have lost the link of what I was reading when I was writing so that's as specific as I can get. lol.

_**The Book**_. (2771 words)

“Emily, where are you going?” Caroline hopped up from drawing as the red head reached the doorway of their bungalow.

“Are you getting the Book?” Cassidy called to her from the kitchen.

Emily checked her shoes by the door, shaking them and turning them upside down just in case, before peeking inside them and finally slipping her feet into them. “Yes, girls. I’m just popping over to the business center. Do you want to come?” On the plane journey from New York to Kangaroo Island, they had plenty of time to get to know each other—especially once the cell phone, laptop, and Gameboy batteries had all needed re-charges.

“Can’t it wait until morning?” Cassidy stepped out from the kitchen with worry in her tone and on her features.

Caroline took hold of Emily’s hand, before murmuring. “The sun has already gone down, Emily.”

Taking in the worried features on the girls’ faces, Emily frowned. Of course, it was getting dark. The sun had gone down after their dinner and she had to wait until Miranda was settled on her Tokyo call before she could head over to the business center to pick up the book. “She needs to go over the Book before they start in New York. You know this, girls.” Emily tucked a strand of red hair behind Caroline’s ear as she spoke. “You know she has to get some work done while we are here.”

Sniffling, Cassidy rubbed at her nose. “I—” she glanced at her sister and then changed it to, “We just don’t want you to get hurt, Emily.”

Emily patted Cassidy on the shoulder and lifted her right foot as she spoke. “I already checked my shoes. I’ll be fine.”

Caroline stepped closer to Emily, “You have your phone with you, right? Leave the flashlight on, ok.”

Cassidy sniffled again and then in a wobbly voice, she pleaded with Emily. “Make sure your location services are on that way you could be found.”

Emily blinked at the girls, uncertain of this heightened level of fear. They had been fine in the urban paradise of Melbourne, but it seemed that once they were outside the concrete jungle their confidence crumbled. “Oh, girls. I’ll be alright. It’s a quick trip on the path we walked earlier today.”

Cassidy began crying in earnest and turned to her sister for support. “The one with all the trees?” She whimpered against her sister’s shoulder.

“We were assured by the resort staff that the majority of the insects stay off the walkways because they have learned that they aren’t worthwhile territories. There’s no wolves or boogeymen here at the resort. I’ll be fine, girls.” Emily wanted to reassure them, but something in her mind had her vaguely concerned as she knew that more creatures (great and small) could kill you in Australia than just about anywhere else in the world. The longer it was dark, the more likely that one of those not very likely dangers would be to wander out in search of a bite to eat. She’d heard about bears and raccoons in the US National Parks though she’d never had to set foot in one. “Let me go and I’ll be back before you know it.” Emily tried to extricate herself from the girls and pull the door open.

“At least take precautions.” Caroline bargained. “I mean, you’re smart enough to check your shoes for spiders and stuff. At least do the minimum, okay?”

Pulling open the door, to the rapidly darkening sky, Emily pulled her cell phone out of her pocket and turned the flashlight feature on. “I’ll be fine girls.”

Cassidy pet her back as if she were saying goodbye and sniffed. “Check the trees, Emily. Check over your head. There was a note at the reception desk about two recent Ursidae attacks in the resort. They just don’t want to tell everyone and scare them.”

Not recognizing the name of the dangerous creature, Emily glanced out into the increasing darkness and then back to the girls. They seemed to be genuinely preparing for her to not return from this errand or to return with less limbs than she was leaving with. “What am I supposed to do for the Ursi-whasis?”

Cassidy pulled Emily by the hand toward the kitchen. The door to the cabana mostly shut, instead of hanging open as Caroline grabbed Emily’s other hand. “The Ursidae are carnivorous marsupials that live in trees. They are the size of a leopard and they fall on their prey from above in the nighttime.”

Emily frowned. “Why haven’t I heard of this animal?” She put a hand on her hip. “I know about the jellyfish, the sharks, the bees, the snakes, and the spiders. How come I haven’t seen a single thing about these Ursids?” She could tell the girls were genuinely worried, but she had no idea who had put this in their head.

Nodding at this, Caroline held up her hand in a wait motion. “I have the pamphlet from the airport.” She rushed over to her backpack by her art supplies. “Hang on.”

Emily watched as Caroline searched in her bag and pulled out a fistful of bright glossy brochures and other touristy things that the girls had picked up in the airport that morning. Rushing back, Caroline pulled one out from the others. “Here it is.”

Taking the battered handout into her hand, Emily noted the animals that she already knew about and the source of the material—the Australian Museum. Finding the animal that she had not heard of before, she read aloud, “Common Name: Ursidae. Scientific Name: Maximus Gravitus Ursidae. Kingdom: Animalia. Phylum, class, order, family…” Emily stumbled over the Latin words and just absently pronounced key words here and there as she read. “Ursidae are the size of a leopard with dark mottled orange patterning. Powerful forearms enable them to live fully in the treetops and hold onto prey larger than a single Ursidae.” Emily frowned at the paper and leaned back from it in disgust as she read about it using powerful premolars to bite into their prey. “Ursidae can be found…” She trailed off as she sought out their location, hoping to ward off any fears of the Ursidae in their area. “South-east South Australia, Mount Lofty Ranges, and Kangaroo Island.”

Emily made eye contact with twin girls biting their bottom lip in apprehension and holding hands for solidarity. She shook her head against the entire situation and returned to the information. “Ursidae hunt by ambushing prey from the treetop and letting gravity give them the advantage of surprise to subdue their prey. Heights of eight metres have been speculated upon based on evidence at hunting sites. It is thought that the initial impact stuns the prey, allowing the Ursidae to end its life before it can recover.” Blinking her eyes against the thought of one of these creatures or even a whole pack of them in the trees above her as she walked to the Business Center and back, Emily asked the twins, “Where does it talk about precautions?”

Stepping close to her, Caroline pointed at the bottom of the section, “There. It says that people use sharp objects in their hats or hair and that they carry spears in the bush.”

Cassidy crowded them and asked, “I thought it said that you could use vegemite as a deterrent?”

Caroline groaned, “We don’t have any vegemite.”

Emily shook her head, “Of course, we do. We are in Australia. There is vegemite. I don’t exactly have a spear.”

For many long seconds, they stood around considering what they knew, what they had, and what they could come up with. “Are you sure it can’t wait? Or can we have them deliver it? The staff have to have their own precautions, right?” Cassidy was trying to talk Emily out of going.

“No, no. Your mom needs the Book after this call, so that she can go through it before they need it in the morning again.” Emily bit her lip as she considered what they could do. “Well, come on. The vegemite is in the kitchen.”

Taking the jar out of Emily’s hands, Caroline looked down into it and then gave it a sniff. “What is that and why would you have it?”

Affronted, Emily put her hand back on her hip. “It’s high in B Vitamins and perfectly fine on avo toast.”

Holding the jar out to her sister, Caroline agreed, “Well, I think it would easily fend off predators. Urgh. I wouldn’t come near it. So, what do you reckon you do with it?”

Groaning, Emily took the jar from the other twin. “Use it like insect repellant? Put it on your arms and legs?” Clearly, Emily was not enjoying this idea, even as she pulled a knife from the silverware drawer.

“Maybe more like perfume on your pulse points or that stuff football players put under their eyes? I mean, they are coming from above in the trees, so your legs won’t matter, right?” Cassidy’s voice wavered as her eyes wandered from Emily to the jar of dark spread.

“Right.” Emily made the word take as long as she could, since she didn’t like the idea of putting the breakfast spread on her skin. “Well, I suppose I could put my hair up and then put so-some on my forehead, cheeks, and the back of my neck.” She locked eyes with Cassidy, whose blues eyes were wide in shared horror.

Nodding, Cassidy agreed in a murmur. “Y-yeah. Maybe the back of your hands or your wrists?”

Emily pulled a bunch of the spread up on the knife and then dropped it back in the jar. “Hair first.” She muttered. Caroline pulled her hair out of its pony tail and handed the rubber band to her. “Thanks.” She grimaced. “I don’t really want that in my hair.”

Caroline pulled her lip up in disgust. “Yeah. I wouldn’t either. Are you sure this can’t wait till tomorrow?”

Hair pulled up, Emily huffed at the twins. “I’m going.” Determinedly, she skipped the knife and plunged two fingers into the jar. Then she brought them up and smeared a dark brown dab of spread on the back of her neck and across her forehead, before she could talk herself out of it. With another deep breath, she dipped again and spread some on each cheek and then on the inside of each wrist. “Done.” She nodded at the jar on the countertop. “What can I use as a spear or pointy thing?”

Shrugging, Cassidy pointed to the back wall where there was a glass door to the BBQ area. On a special shelf for them, the tools were tucked away. “You could use the big fork thing?”

Emily nodded, “Yes, get that. Okay, is that the best we can do? You said people put stuff in their hats or on their heads or something?” She took the BBQ fork when Cassidy brought it over.

“Well, we don’t have anything really good. I mean like a weapon, but you could put, um, chopsticks or like forks in your hair?” Caroline frowned and pulled the silverware drawer back open. “Oh, hey there’s metal shish kebabs in here. Want those?”

Rolling her eyes and knowing that time was wasting in which the Ursidaes were likely gathering, Emily stepped closer to her. “Go on then.” She waved her hand at her head as she bent her knees to be more in reach of the younger girl.

“There. I don’t think your ponytail can take more than four.” Caroline rested her hand on Emily’s shoulder from behind to indicate that she could stand up properly again. “I still think you should stay, but if you insist on going then make sure you have your phone.”

Emily fought the urge to scrape the vegemite off of her face and checked that she had the device. “Right then. I’m off.” Emily crossed the bungalow and slipped out the door into the darkness of night on Kangaroo Island.

Catching each other’s eye, the twins shook their heads and deliberately focused on walls away from their sister. They each counted to fifty in two languages. Then they doubled over in body-shaking peals of laughter when they figured that Emily was far enough away on the dark path under the trees that she couldn’t hear them.

“You were so good, Cass.” Caroline reached up for a high-five.

“What about you moaning that we don’t have any vegemite?” Cassidy imitated her sister’s desperate wail of disappointment. “Get your phone ready for when she comes back. This should be good.”

Caroline pulled her phone from her pocket. “I really wanted to take a picture now, but couldn’t figure out how to do it, since we went with the innocent kids hope you don’t get hurt spiel.” She slipped her phone back into her pocket and then bumped shoulders with her sister as she made her way back to the small living room. “How long do you think we’ll have to wait?”

Cassidy settled on the couch and pulled her book over. “It depends on the reaction she gets down there. And if she washes it all off before she comes storming back. You’re right we should have taken a pic now. If they don’t tell her and she is just freaked, then I say that the thirty-minute walk will take about fifteen. She’s fast in those killer heels.”

Gathering her dropped pencils, Caroline grinned, “She must not know any Latin at all. Maximus Gravitus Ursidae. I mean, even if she just knew that the Big Dipper, the Great Bear was Ursa Major or something, she could have guessed, right?”

Grinning, Cassidy made a ‘what can I tell ya’ face, “It is a National Hoax.”

Fifteen minutes later, their mom ended her call in the other room and came to give them a kiss each. “How are you, my darlings?” When they murmured that they were fine and held up the art and the book, Miranda asked. “Are you thirsty, girls? Want me to get you anything?” She shrugged when they waved her off and went to the kitchen for her own beverage.

Heating water in the kettle, Miranda leaned against the counter taking in the messy kitchen. There was a bent pamphlet from the Australian Museum on one counter, on another there was an open jar of Vegemite with a messy knife next to it, and the silverware drawer was open with only one fork left in it. Picking up the pamphlet, Miranda flipped through it hoping that they wouldn’t run into any of the snakes or spiders. She supposed that if you wanted to see the reef that you had to worry about the jellyfish and the shark, but that with a wet suit and a guide you’d most likely be fine. Setting it down, when the kettle switched off, Miranda pulled a tea bag from the jar and dropped it into a mug, before pouring water over it. She couldn’t shake the feeling of something being not quite right as she made her way into the living room and sat next to her daughter.

“Is Emily still getting the Book?” Miranda asked as she checked the time.

“Oh, she’ll be back any minute.” Caroline and Cassidy assured their mother in unison.

Miranda raised an eyebrow as she noticed that her children had stopped drawing and reading to focus on the door to the bungalow. In fact, she saw that they each had their cell phones held low either in their lap or just down next to their leg. She took a deep breath as she pondered what to ask or tell her darlings, when the door was thrown open.

“You! You both knew! That’s, that’s.” Emily sputtered her indignation into a sad acceptance as she saw Miranda seated next to her daughter on the couch and knew that she would not win this match no matter how justified she might be. “I thought we had become friendly, if not actually friends on this trip, girls.” She addressed the twins who had taken quick photos until the confrontation had guilted them into lowering their camera arms. “Miranda, here is the Book. I am going to retire for the evening.” She held the printed copy of the Book out to her boss.

Resisting the urge to point the BBQ fork at the teenagers, Emily set it on the kitchen counter and then made her way to her room where she closed, locked, and slid a chair in front of the door.

 

 

_**I Love My Job.**_ (274)

“How was the trip?” Andy greeted Emily with a cheerful smile on her first day back in New York. “I have always wanted to go to Australia.”

Emily rolled her eyes at her well-meaning companion. “Don’t get assaulted by a Maximus Gravitus Ursidae.” She did not expect the reaction from the other side of the assistant’s area.

“What is that? A Gravity Bear?” Andrea laughed at the name. “Claudius Maximus Gravity Bear. Grrrr.” The brunette even growled for effect and laughed again. “I shall drop on you. Call me, Drop Bear.” She interrupted her own deep bear predator voice, giggling like a teenager drunk on spiked punch at a school dance.

‘I love my job.’ Emily breathed deeply and then pressed her fingertips under her eyes and to her forehead. Then, reminded of the Vegemite, she groaned. ‘I love my job. I love my job. Ilovemyjob.’

Finally getting her giggles under control, as she watched her chanting Partner in Assisting, Andy asked, “Oh, man, did the twins prank you with some kind of Dropbear?”

Emily fixed the ever-effusive fixture in the desk opposite her with a glare. “You mean your partners in crime didn’t send you a photograph or post it on snapgramchatflipper, whatever?”

Andy shook her head knowing this was going to be a rough day for her partner. “Nope, no photos. And I don’t think that’s a thing even. What was that?”

Rolling her eyes, Emily stood. “Starbucks now.” She pointed back toward the elevator and then slipped around her own desk to get to Miranda’s. “Ludicrous.” She muttered as she passed Andy. ‘I love my job. I love my job. Ilovemyjob. Ilovemyjob. Ilovemyjob. Ilovemyjob.’

 

 

_**The Met.**_ (374)

Andy put the pictorial notebooks back on Emily’s desk. “I know you always focus on the guest names, but I thought you might want to also brush up on the new exhibits at the Met for tonight.” With her final suggestion, Andrea put an exhibit map on top of the notebooks. “The cryptozoology is truly fascinating.”

Emily glared at the professional looking pamphlet and then at Andy’s backside. She had had enough informational brochures to last a lifetime.

“You might find an idea in there, you know.” Andy called back over her shoulder as she wandered off to who knew where. “Just because you have to have a stiff upper lip, doesn’t mean you can’t pull a prank too, you know.”

Emily’s glare took on a more contemplative aspect as she opened the map of the Met and then the Exhibit Guide underneath it. It might require asking Andeeee what she meant, but ideas began to form as Emily took in the well done fake-exhibit details on Cryptozoological discoveries of the last hundred years including the Pantera Tigris Sudenensis in Cairo, the Nandi Bear in Kenya, the Dropbear of Australia, the Chupacabra that migrated from the Caribbean to Central, South, and parts of North America.

 

 

_**Paris.**_ (377)

Panting, Emily, tried to force deep breaths in as she sorted out fact, fiction, and her current reality. Groaning as she felt her leg begin to throb, Emily accepted that she was in Manhattan, New York City, New York State, in the United States.

She was not running a panicked gauntlet under trees to retrieve the Book on Kangaroo Island with Vegemite plastered to her face, forks in her hair, and a BBQ fork as her only protection.

She was not being attacked by a vampire rabbit, she couldn’t even remember where that was supposed to be happening to her. Thank you, Andrea Bloody Sachs.

No. She was in her own bed in a fourth-floor walk-up with crutches and a job that had left her behind when the absolute best part of her job was meant to be going on in PARIS.

She wondered if they had sewer alligators in Paris and if she could bribe one of them to eat Andrea Bloody Sachs.

Then she wondered if she could get a pet Chupacabra for the girls, for when they returned from their father’s house, while Miranda and her entourage were in PARIS.

Emily awkwardly hobbled to the kitchen for a pain killer and glass of water. She was glad that the Hurricane Sandy Super Rats were not a thing, though the thought did send a shudder down her spine.

She wondered if she could rig the sound of rats in the walls with motion sensitive props while the Priestlys were away. Then she considered that pranking the twins back, included pranking Miranda and another shudder went up and down her spine. That was a truly scary idea to have in one’s brain.

Andy might help her, but Emily was pretty sure she wasn’t talking to her after the whole, ‘oh, you’re injured and well, I’m, um, going to PARIS.’

‘Carbs.’ Emily rolled her eyes and wondered if she could get away with taking another pain pill and just texting Joselyn to cover.

Sighing at that thought, Emily wondered if Serena could provide some ideas. They had Chupacabras in Brazil, maybe they had other things as well. Perhaps Serena or someone in her family had knowledge of local legends that Emily could somehow use on to prank the twins.

Reclining as comfortably as she could with the cast, Emily breathed deeply and then hummed, ‘I love my job.’

 

 

_**Supernatural.**_ (1253)

“I brought you cheese cubes and a piece of lettuce. Don’t worry, it is iceberg and mostly water.” Serena sarcastically set two wonderful salads on Emily’s desk. Then she dragged over the empty assistant’s chair and settled into it and pulled a salad toward herself. “Oh, wait. I know.” She hopped up, because Emily could not and slipped into the little kitchenette down the hall.

Returning with two bottles of San Pellegrino, forks, napkins, and a winning smile, she once again sat down.

“Always so cheerful.” Emily muttered as she took the fork and napkin.

“We have talked about this before, beautiful.” Serena grinned at her friend. “You like being a grump.” She smirked when Emily squawked in protest. “I mean that you enjoy being edgy and darkly humorous.” Serena twisted off the cap of Emily’s San Pellegrino and put it near her keyboard. “I enjoy laughing at you.” The blonde enjoyed the dark glare given to her by her companion.

Once they had eaten the majority of their meal, Serena probed her friend for better information. “What is on your mind, oh, Broody One?”

Angrily chomping on a cherry tomato, Emily pouted at the same time.

Serena was duly impressed that Emily had not managed to choke herself during this maneuver, but she still raised an eyebrow to encourage the red head to answer truthfully and not distract or defer.

“You know that the twins pranked me in Australia.” This was hard for her to re-visit because she had to relive some of the feelings of humiliation and impotent anger all over again. “Then Andrea had to rub it in with that Cryptozoology flyer from the Met.”

Serena nodded as she thought she knew where this might end up. “Followed by you getting hit by that damn taxi and Miranda taking Andeeee to Paris, while you are stuck here running Runway.”

Shaking her head at her friend, Emily wondered how they had developed such camaraderie between them when they mostly were horrible to each other, except when they weren’t. It was a little confusing to her.

“What are you thinking, Beautiful One?” Serena urged her friend to get on with it already.

“I want to prank them, but not Miranda and I cannot think of how to do it. Sewer alligators, Super Rats, escaped animals from the zoo killing people.” She shook her head. “None of them would be workable to just the twins and not cause some sort of panic in the neighborhood. Or I’d have to recruit the entire block to prank two teenage girls.” She sighed feeling defeated all over again. “I think Andrea would help, but I swear I am not talking to that cow.”

Serena appeared to be deep in thought and Emily perked up as she hoped that Serena had a Chupacabra or equivalent that they could stash in the twin’s bedrooms until they came home. She frowned when Serena only asked about the Priestly’s schedules for the first week back from home.

“Miranda has an event on Thursday night, right?” Serena smiled as Emily nodded despite her confusion. “The twins are at gymnastics after dinner for an hour and a half that night, yes?”

Emily sat forward in her chair giddy as a school girl. “What are you thinking?” She could see the promise of Thursday night being an opportunity to prank the girls and not their mother.

“Come with me, Emily.” Serena moved behind Emily’s rolling chair before the red head could offer any kind of protest. Closing the kitchenette, which should have been beyond Serena’s strength profile, the blonde turned vibrant eyes on her friend. “I have been wanting to share this with you, and it would be perfect for the situation you would like to create for the twins.” Serena pushed the break room table and chairs out of the way and fixed a look on the woman she desired. She knew this could go horribly wrong, but there was a trick for that, just as there was a trick for what she was about to reveal now. “Perhaps you need to bring in a bit of Brazilian folklore to your research, Emily. Perhaps a bit more supernatural than urban legend.” With a waggle of her eyebrows, Serena stepped into the cleared out area and began a transformation that Emily would struggle to describe in words even though she could picture it well in her memory.

In front of Emily stood a creature that she would recognize as a werewolf, though it was considerably shorter than other varieties she had seen from Hollywood. She knew something was coming and she knew the creature before her was her good friend, Serena, and yet, it still scared the bejeebers out of her and she wished like hell for the BBQ fork from Kangaroo Island, or even just one of the forks would have been nice. She held very still and tried to not even breathe in her shock and awe. The creature in front of her was beautiful in an utterly wild way. Blonde fur mottled with shades darkening to a red brown covered the majority of her body. Emily found herself swallowing at the thought that Serena was now naked in front of her. Perhaps not in the way she had been secretly hoping for, but still nekkid. Dropping down onto all fours, she immediately saw what looked like a modified wolf that would perhaps fit in on the edges of a jungle territory. Somehow more jaguar than wolf. Emily squeezed her legs together. “Can you still respond as Serena?” Emily forced herself to ask an academic question in the face of an unbelievable reveal.

The creature gave a low yip and walked on all fours over towards her where the head dropped to Emily’s hand on her thigh and gave it a lick, before sitting back on its haunches.

“You plan to have a sighting outside the townhouse as the twins are arriving home?” Emily grinned and stroked the head of the animal snuggling its head against her uninjured leg. “I suppose that I will be leaving the townhouse after dropping off the Book.”

In response to this, the creature returned back to the open area of the room and returned to her fully clothed human form. “That is what I propose.”

Emily wondered if she was in some kind of shock because the next words out of her mouth were unrelated, but somehow very relevant to the moment. “And is that all you propose?”

Tugging the table and chairs into place quickly, Serena turned all of her focus on Emily. “I propose getting to know you in a whole different way. What do you say, Emily?” Serena placed her hands-on Emily’s thighs and rolled her chair back toward the wall as she spoke. When they were stopped, Serena dropped down to her knees and leaned in between Emily’s legs until her lips were barely not touching Emily’s. “Hmmm?” She asked her follow up question without any words.

“Yes.” Emily sighed as she wrapped her arms around Serena and pulled her in for a kiss that had been at least a year in the making. One plan drafted out, it was time to begin another.

 

_**Fin.** _

x


End file.
